Tigers, Emails, and Thomas Jefferson

What do tigers, emails and Thomas Jefferson have in common? Read on!

We’ve all been there. It’s a hectic day. You haven’t had lunch yet because you just need to finish about three more things. The innocuous pop up appears – “you have a new message” – oh good, maybe that’s the reply you were waiting on from Jim – you click ok to open. And it’s not a reply from Jim – no, it’s from someone else. Someone isn’t happy with something they think you’ve done (or not done). The tone of the email is sharp, the words inflammatory.

And you get inflamed – you literally see red. You hit reply (or reply all!) and fire back, fingers flying over the keyboard with the injustice of it all, and you hit send. A few minutes later, when the adrenaline has left your system and the red mist has lifted, you have the fear. Why did I send that? What have I done? Did I really cc the CEO??

Replying to an email or phone call from a place of irritation, hunger, tiredness and rage will more than likely not do you any favours. No matter how right you think you are or your position is; there’s a huge chance it’s not going to come across positively, damaging relationships and causing stress to you, the recipient and everyone else who ends up involved. So what causes such a strong reaction? Why does it feel like your brain has shut down? Well, that’s because it has.

Our ancestors, who we have evolved from, were surrounded by life threatening danger at all times – tigers, wolves, stampeding elephants! The only reason you and I are here today is because of our extremely quick reaction to threats or potential threats. When what could be a tiger is running towards you, you don’t stand there and muse, “how strange, a tiger, I don’t recall seeing tigers around here before, what a lovely shade of orange…” No;  you run as fast as your legs can carry you, aided by the adrenaline that is already surging through your system. There is literally no thinking done.

This is down to the amygdala. The amygdala is primed to respond to any perceived threat, and it takes 6 seconds for the emotional and physical reaction you have to an event to be processed by what is called the “thinking brain” or neo-cortex. The amygdala is screaming danger danger, your system is flooded with cortisol, the stress hormone, you go into fight or flight mode, all before you have had a chance to process what is going on. It’s such a common phenomenon it has a name – The Amygdala Hijack.

So what do tigers have to do with emails? Well, the brain reacts the same way to any perceived threat – an angry phone call or email that “pushes your buttons” ends up generating the same reaction. Your brain and body is trying to keep you safe, and the stress hormones, cortisol and thinking mind shut down is the same

So what do you do? Thomas Jefferson said, if you are angry, count to 10. If you are really angry, count to 100. It switches the neo cortex back on, and rational thinking can kick in. So yes, what our mammies told us all those years ago still helps – deep breaths and count to ten – so simple but actually scientifically effective.

Other useful things to do are – type the angry email if you need to – get it out of your system – but don’t send it. Save it and go for a cup of tea or some fresh air (or that lunch if you still haven’t eaten!) Come back and read it when the stress hormones have left your system.  Even better, get someone else to read it for you and see if they think it is a reasonable response. A more toned down version of the email may be perfect – you can still respond and stand up for yourself where appropriate, but not from an unthinking place. Always ask yourself the question “how will it serve me if I send this?”